When the Birman Came to Hellsing
by Jubalii
Summary: When Alucard returned to Hellsing, he brought with him a s***-talking, defunct-Nazi cat. While he's not the best familiar in the world, he's pretty good at catching mutant rats and warming an elderly woman's feet. Plus, Seras needs help with her special Christmas Gala project, and who better to help then a kitten with a heavy crush?
1. The Arrival of a Vampire and his Birman

Who was he? Where was he? The universe was a multitude of cries and moans and sticky, bloody appendages. The two known factors- he was in fact a "_he" _and that he wasn't supposed to be this way. He looked around in the midst of the crying mob, shuffling slightly with the tide of bodies. His armor, no longer shining and pristine, clinked almost inaudibly among the howls of the strange crowd. He watched them move around aimlessly, considering his next move. He didn't know who he was, from whence he'd come, or where he was going.

"_Master….please come back_…." A sob, floating on a breeze that didn't quite reach his face. It was a female voice, her broken cries soft and hard to hear. But it was something—he _knew _the voice; it belonged to someone important, someone who mattered. Yet, he couldn't find a name, or a face floating along his broken memories. He felt the compelling need to find her, this whoever-she-was, and comfort her. Was he the one she was seeking? Was that who he was- Master? He had to find her, to see her face. He had to remember who she was, why she was the one thing that still mattered.

The crowd kept him from moving, its multitude of squirming bodies too great to pass through. Growing frustrated, he unsheathed his sword and cut down the nearest soul with a single slice. It dissipated in a puff of smoke and blood. Immediately he felt lighter, as if the tiniest of weights had been lifted from his shoulders. Was this what he was supposed to do? It didn't matter. If killing these bodies got him closer to the source of the cry, he'd gladly do it. He cut another body, moving a single step through the crowd. Another tiny sense of relief.

"_We still need you; come back to us…to me…._" The voice seemed to cheer him on, despite its melancholy tone. It was the only hold he had to a reality that he didn't remember; the only thing affirming his thought that he didn't belong among these sickening bodies, empty of life. He sliced through the crowd, taking down one body at a time. It was time-consuming, utterly worthless if it wasn't for his need to find the source of the voice.

* * *

He tried to keep a mental count as he neared the thousands. After fifty thousand, he began to falter. He needed to sit down and rest; this was absolutely maddening! Every time he cut one down, ten more would immediately take its place. He felt as though he'd never get through. He cut one more body, one more soul that was free to go on to whatever awaited it after this Limbo. And then he remembered. Her.

"Seras." He spoke aloud for the first time, his voice sounding hoarse and quiet amidst the cries of the remaining souls. He didn't remember what she looked like, but he remembered her all the same. A voice echoed in his mind, happier this time—from a time long past now. "_My Master!" _it rang out excitedly.

A new energy filled his muscles; his sword swung with renewed vigor. A determined feeling settled in his mind, gleaming forth from his crimson eyes as he cut down the souls faster than before. With every swing, he focused on what he could remember of her, of the place he'd left behind and was now intent on returning to. He had to get back to her before she left—she'd never leave him, but he was cruel enough to leave her. And now—how many years had passed? Would she wait in the same spot for eternity, clinging to the faint hope that he'd return after eons?

"Wait for me…Seras."

* * *

He remembered who he was now. There was only one body left. Kneeling on the floor, staring up at him with curious indigo eyes. Neither afraid nor unafraid, human nor inhuman. The boy was a living paradox. And now, he remembered it as well.

"Are you going to kill me too, _Graf Vampir_?" The boy asked, his German accent slurring the words together as he looked as his reflection in the sword. He raised the sword above his head, swinging it around once before bringing it down to impale the boy's shorts. The child gasped and his eyes widened before he grinned up at him once more. "I take it that I get to stay, then?"

"I don't have time to deal with you. There's another who requires my attention." He peered through his hair at the child on the ground. "Besides, your power could come in use one day."

"_Ja._ I'll just be here, then." He ripped his shorts out from under the blade and ran off through the empty space where bodies had been moments before. He watched the boy go before turning back to face the white space. He should have asked how the power worked. _I'm everywhere and nowhere_. Did that mean he just decided that he was at Hellsing, and he was? Only one way to find out.

* * *

It worked. He was in his old room at the manor. He looked around curiously before looking down as the clink of armor didn't reach his ears. He was dressed in his favorite outfit; the crimson getup he'd pawned off van Helsing after a card game gone right. The old geezer had been furious, and he'd worn it ever since as a subtle "fuck you" to the old man that took away his freedom. Besides, he'd grown quite fond of the hat.

His bedroom was unchanged, aside from a cobblestone laid upon his coffin. He knocked it off immediately with his boot, opening the lid to make sure his soil was unstirred. After deciding that everything was satisfactory, he listened to the sounds coming from above.

It was clearly night-time, due to the absence of thousands of feet clomping about upstairs. The only sounds were mice in the wall (very loud mice at that) and the pipes groaning. He listened as sounds came from a room down the hall—Seras' voice. If he wasn't mistaken, he heard the human Captain there as well. A part of him remembered feeling his presence within the girl when he'd met her and Integra in London. So she'd finally chosen a familiar—he half-wondered if she knew how to use him properly.

He phased through the wall, keeping his powers low as he made his way towards Seras' room. She was still in the room he'd picked out for her when he brought her home—she was unchanging as he was, in some ways. The thought warmed him, strangely enough. He finally made it and barely moved his shadows forward to peek into the room.

He saw her first, standing over a sewing machine and fumbling with the spools, cursing under her breath as she tried to untangle thread. The Captain was standing by the mirror, watching her reflection as he primped himself. He could have been a completely tangible human being if it weren't for the thin shadow connecting his boots to hers as it stretched across the room. Finally, she straightened and held the smooth thread up triumphantly.

"Gotcha! Now, maybe I can get this to behave. The Christmas gala is only a month away. I'll never finish if it's going to be tangling on me every ten minutes." She sat down at the chair in front of the machine and rethreaded the needle before pressing her foot on the peddle and slowly continuing her work. He noticed that her left arm wasn't reformed—instead, she'd only manipulated her shadows into being an arm shape. It dissipated and reformed unconsciously, the thin shadows bringing her items from around the room and working different parts of the machine at her unspoken commands.

He shifted to get a better view of her face. It worked, but not in the way he wanted it to. She jerked up, her head whipping around to stare at him. He immediately dispersed his atoms as much as he could, trying to keep her from seeing him. He wanted to keep his presence a surprise; perhaps he'd sneak up behind her and tap her on the shoulder, just to hear her scream. But now she narrowed her eyes (they'd turned a gorgeous shade of crimson; they suited her just perfectly) and stood up.

"Pip…" The Captain turned and walked over to the wall, sticking his head in and coming face-to-face with the vampire. Alucard watched as his one eye widened in surprise and his mouth dropped open. Alucard put a finger up to his lips, looking over the Frenchman's shoulder at Seras. The green eye lit up knowingly and Pip gave him a syrupy smile before backing out of the wall.

"I don't see anything; must have been those damn mice again. How many more are we going to be dealing with?" he complained as he walked back over to the mirror. Seras stared suspiciously at the wall a moment longer before turning back to her work.

"I don't know. They're eating the rat poison like candy. I found a two-headed one last week under the sink. It scared Winston nearly to death."

* * *

Before he scared his fledgling, he wanted to check up on Integra. His servitude bindings had already let him know that the woman was still alive. She was asleep now. He watched her for a while, taking in the signs of aging. Her face was lined and careworn, her hands veiny on the pillow. He knew just what to do. He leaned over her, his teeth inches from her neck. He opened his mouth, letting out a quiet hiss.

His head immediately erupted into painful flames as gunshots filled the air. He'd not expected her to sleep with a gun, although he wouldn't have put it past her. He lay against the wall, laughing until he heard Seras burst through the door. _Damn, she messed up my surprise._

"Master!"

* * *

It was the biggest mouse he'd ever seen in all his existence. It _had _to be some sick experiment of the Hellsing scientists. It was at least two feet long and quite portly as it sat atop his coffin as though it owned the thing. He sneered at the creature, who reared up on its hind legs and hissed at him. He brought his boot down swiftly, missing the damned thing as it hopped off the coffin with incredible speed and scurried towards the wall. He swore and pulled out his gun as a white flash raced from around his legs and caught the mouse in three seconds flat. He repocketed the gun, looking at the Birman cat that was crunching the mouse's thick neck between dainty fangs. Looking down at the stones, he saw the shadow link that tied him to the brown-eared creature.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked cooly. The cat looked up at him with the same indifference that comes naturally to all of its kin and smiled in a very _non_-cat way.

"Since you have my powers, I'm no longer everywhere and nowhere," it explained in a squeaky German accent. "Because I no longer know who I am without my powers, I'm staying a cat. Cats always know who they are; they don't need people defining them. When I find myself again, I'll be a boy. Until then, I'm keeping the mice out of our room." He then proceeded to tear into the mouse-flesh and licked the blood pooling on the floor. Alucard watched for a moment before crawling into his coffin and shutting the lid.

He'd killed millions of souls in a thirty year span without a break. He was overdue for a good day's sleep.

* * *

**Afterword:** Follow me on Tumblr! jujus-scarfDOTtumblrDOTcom


	2. Don't Tease the Cat!

Alucard woke to find a half-eaten pile of grotesquely disfigured mice at the foot of his chair. Sitting on the velvet cushion with another mouse's entrails hanging from his teeth was his new familiar. He eyed the cat cooly, looking down at the mutilated remains that graced the stones.

"I see you've been busy," he said conversationally, his stomach twisting in hunger. Thirty years with only a drop of blood to drink had really done a number on his digestive track. The Birman choked the last of the entrails down its gullet and moved to polish the reedy whiskers.

"Naturally," it replied self-satisfactorily. "Unlike lazy vampires who lounge the night away, _I've _been hard at work cleaning this hovel of its pest problem." Alucard kicked up at the cat. It screeched angrily and jumped off the chair to run to the door, tail bottle-brushed and ears flattened. "The _nerve_!" it hissed.

"No one likes a braggart," Alucard reprimanded calmly as he fixed the boot, which had come off partly during the attack. The cat's tail lifted haughtily and it turned to walk out of the room with its nose in the air, shadows stretching into a thin, almost imperceptible line as it made its way to the upper levels. He wrinkled his nose after it and immediately schooled his face back to a normal sneer as a human male walked in without so much as a knock.

This impudent man was in his late thirties, brown hair neatly trimmed into a manageable style and clothes in the most pristine condition. His lanky form wasn't as tall as Alucard, but it came close. Hazel eyes met crimson and the man smiled and bowed after a moment, holding out a chilled pail of blood packets.

"Forgive my intrusion, but Lady Seras told me you would most likely be starving after you wake. I thought it best to sneak a meal down here before attending my other duties." He placed the pail on the end table, straightening it neatly before spying the mess of rats at the foot of the chair. "Oh my, did—did you do this?" he asked hesitantly as he looked at the pulled-apart remains.

"I have a cat. He spent all night doing this," Alucard answered after a moment. "Who the hell are you?" he finally gave up and asked. The man looked shocked before offering another apologetic bow.

"Forgive me; I'm not used to seeing new faces." He met Alucard's eyes firmly and smiled, his blunt teeth gleaming in the candlelight. "My name is Winston Caverly, retainer to the Hellsing family for the last fifteen years." He met the vampire's suspicious look with a curious gaze. "I've heard many stories about you from Lady Seras. Do you prefer to be called "Lord Alucard" or…" he trailed off, allowing Alucard to give his own name.

"Alucard by itself will suffice." Winston shrugged, then nodded and turned to leave.

"Well, I look forward to serving you for the next few decades. I'll leave you to it, then." He nodded to the pail. "Leave your remnants there and I'll pick them up later." And then he was gone. Alucard stared at the open door for another moment before waving a hand and letting the heavy wooden object swing shut with a slam. He turned to his breakfast, hoping that he'd at least be allowed a silent repast.

* * *

"It was you in the wall. Pip told me as much." Alucard stood quietly in the doorway, watching his childe as she hunkered down over her sewing. She didn't even pause, the shadows still moving fabric as she stood and motioned for him to enter. She sat on the bed and patted the place beside her, watching him move towards her as she took hold of a hoop and began embroidering what appeared to be the Hellsing crest on a piece of cloth. "I always knew you'd come back, you know," she admitted matter-of-factly.

"Your faith in me never ceases to amaze." He picked a spot that wasn't covered in scraps of fabric and thread and took off his glasses to look at her fully. "You've grown."

"Thirty years is a long time," she replied softly. "I've done a lot while you've been gone." She paused, her eyes distant before shaking her head and continuing the movement of needle through cloth. "It's not a long time, really. But it's long enough," she corrected herself. He nodded, watching her hands move deftly with the needle as she outlined the red inside the crest. Something in her tone grated at him.

"You're bitter," he accused finally. She paused again, sitting the hoop on the table and placing the needle safely through the fabric before turning to face him.

"I needed you," she said sharply, though her voice didn't rise above a soft whisper. "I needed you and you weren't there. What was I supposed to do? Every strange thing that happened to me, every new power I learned about accidently; I was alone. I had no idea if that was normal or not, I…" She broke off and her fangs snapped together as she tried to regain her calm. After a moment she looked at him, tears swimming in her crimson gaze. "I needed someone to talk to about these things, and I was alone. No one understood me, not even Pip though God knows he tried."

"I know." He met her gaze, deciding to just go with the truth. "If I knew that I'd have been defeated so soon, I'd have let you die in Cheddar."

"Sometimes I wish that you had." She looked away, her hands fisted in her lap as she blinked back her tears. He realized that he'd broken her without meaning to, and now that she'd pulled herself back together she'd never be the same again. Even if she did sound like her old self on her first sight of him, even if she still joked with Pip and the other soldiers and his master—beneath it all, she was a changed woman. She finally understood true loneliness. And it was his fault.

He moved closer to her, pushing fabric out of the way to reach up and ruffle her hair like he used to. She smiled sadly and leaned into the touch, chuckling under her breath as his hand made her hair stand up with static electricity. She shifted closer and suddenly wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her nose in his vest and sniffing deeply.

"You still smell the same, even after all this time." She squeezed him before letting go and falling back into her chair, her face barely coloring. He frowned—she must not have had dinner yet. Perhaps she took her meals late in the evening, to help her sleep at daytime. He remembered doing it many a time. "Sometimes, in my dreams… I could have sworn—" She looked away before shrugging. "It doesn't matter." She stood and motioned to the ceiling. "Sir Integra wants me in her office."

"How do you—" He frowned in muted astonishment as his master's voice filled his head, demanding that he bring Seras and come immediately. She smiled and rocked on her heels.

"I heard the trap snap. She'll want me to deal with the mouse." He stood and Seras let him lead the way out of her room and up to the office. He phased through the door and she did the same, their shadows mixing together slightly before reforming on the correct vampire.

* * *

Integra sat at her desk, stroking a loudly purring Birman cat as she let him bat her pen around with a smirk of amusement at the animal's antics. She looked up as the vampires entered, her one eye moving back and forth between the two of them before she coughed and stood slowly.

"Damn this arthritis," she swore as she held her hip with one hand. After she straightened, she lit a cigar and motioned to the cat. "I'm assuming this charming addition to the household belongs to you? He's already informed me of how infested my home is," she said with an air of blasé wonder, as if she were talking about the weather and not a talking cat. Seras opened her mouth to ask when the cat answered for her.

"The trap vent off not too long ago," it squeaked. "You better check it before it rots!" Seras closed her mouth and stared before looking at the shadow still connecting it to Alucard.

"I thought that you said the boy was your familiar," she asked. Alucard grinned.

"He's decided to be a cat for the time being. You can still see the boy in there. The little white gloves, hmm?" Seras looked once more at the cat before breaking into a snort of laughter.

"He's quite the fearsome thing, isn't he Sir?" she asked Integra. The elderly woman rolled her eyes and smiled.

"If anyone tried to rob us, all they'd have to do is procure a ball of yarn and it would be free pickings," she agreed. The cat bristled and jumped around, spitting and trying to seem intimidating for the ladies. They only laughed harder and Seras reached out to grab the cat by the scruff of his neck. She held the creature at arm's length, one eyebrow raised at the way it swiped at her exposed forearm, all the while cursing at her in a mix of German, English, and hisses. Alucard just grinned smugly and placed his hands in his pockets, watching his feisty familiar be brought down a notch by the Draculina.

"Stop that racket," Seras commanded harshly. The cat's indigo eyes widened and he stopped his ranting, although his back feet still pedaled in the air in an attempt to be free. "Now shush and let me get a good look at you." She tossed him in the air, catching him under the arms and twisting him this way and that as if she were a breeder and not just a curious vampire. "Whatcha think, Captain?" she asked and Alucard was at a loss to who she was talking to until Pip emerged from the shadows to leer at the tiny cat.

"He's your new familiar?" he asked Alucard with a laugh. "He's just a little harmless kitty!" He took the cat from Seras, holding him close despite her warning sound. "_Minou, petit minou-minou-minou,_" he cooed at the angry face. The cat reached out and swiped without warning and Pip shouted as he pulled back with three pale, bloodless scratches on his cheek. "What the hell, cat?!"

"Minou-minou yourself, you fat French pig!" the cat hissed in an undertone and kicked his way out of the shadow-man's grip. "How demeaning! Do you vant me to start spitting baby talk at _you_?" he cried, his tail bristling and his entire frame shaking in anger. The tall people around him all stayed silent for a long moment before breaking out in laughter.

"His voice is just so cute!" Seras said amidst giggles. Integra shook her head and chuckled. Alucard grinned wider than was humanly possible. Captain Bernadotte rubbed the disappearing scars on his cheek and guffawed loudly. The cat looked as though it were about to cry and ran off, occasionally hissing at any soldiers it passed on the way to the basement.

"Aw, Mignonette. You shouldn't have hurt his pride," Pip admonished. Seras laughed and frowned at the cupboard over in the corner.

"Pip, dispose," she ordered. The captain put his hands on his hips and glared at her.

"I'm not a dog. If you're going to order me around, at least do it human to human."

"I'm not a human, and neither are you, not anymore," Seras reminded him as he walked away to obey orders. "And according to _him, _you're a pig. And sometimes, I might agree with him."

"Still angry about last week, Miss Victoria?" Integra said softly. "Nevertheless, get over it. I have a mission for you, and I'm sure Alucard would enjoy stretching his legs." She tossed the plain manila folder across the desk and shadows swooped up to snag it before Seras' glove could make contact. Alucard took the folder and stared at it for a moment before nodding to himself.

"Yes, this will do nicely." Seras growled at him and stalked by out the door. He grinned and followed. Pip poked his head out from the cupboard and grimaced.

"You may need to bring in Winston. There's blood on your books." Integra swore and drew a hand over her forehead.

"That's exactly what I need," she muttered, going to the phone.

* * *

**Afterword:** Hm. Seras is used to being in charge for thirty years. She might have an issue with being subservient again, you think?

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